In the years we have been together it has become very clear to me that he does not see me at all. I am actually not so bothered by this; what an ordeal it would be, to be known.

I think of how we will console the kids. But here is the nature of life. That we must love things with our whole selves, knowing they will die.

What kind of idiot would choose only a quarter of the love they are offered?

I did not feel this way when Hank left. I did not feel an absence I could die from.

I put all of myself into this kiss, I cling to him. If this is our last, I hope he feels within it the days, hours, minutes left in my life, I hope he knows I am giving them to him, every one of them.

Maybe that’s what being a parent is. Expanding to be more. Asking of yourself more, for them.